Just so those of you who may run across this blog can understand, this blog is bout whatever I'm feeling at the time of its composition. It is what it is.
Ok so I am partner to the most wonderful man in the world. I know that there are some people who will groan (whatever) or disagree (whatever, again) but, well, whatever.
Having said that, I've noticed something about me. When I really care about someone, I want to protect them at all costs. When they hurt, I hurt and when they need something, I want to be the one to provide it for them. The question is: what do I do when he's in a situation and I can't help?
Life is weird. Thing's happen for a reason. Always. That being said, in practicality, cliches like that don't really help when the time comes to deal with life's problems. In reality, it's very hard to say things like "things happen for a reason," and "just hold on to God's unchanging hand, Hallelujah, EEE-VEE-VEE-OH-SHAN-DO" when the only thing you really want is a solution to your problem. Let's keep it real. The last thing that some people want to hear when they are going through is how wonderful things will be at the END of all of their drama. Just tell me how to deal with today's pain...PLEASE. Think about it. People who want to give up on life today don't really think that tomorrow will be any different than yesterday was. Mind you, my baby's issues aren't effecting him in a way that makes him want to give up on anyone or anything (it's more of a nuisance-type of situation than anything else) but I CAN relate to the fact that sometimes although there may be a light at the end of the tunnel, what's there to say that its not a damn freight train coming at you?
Ok, I may be transferring a little bit of my own stuff on here but whatever. Shut up.
So that brings me to this: I wanna help. I love him so I always want to see that beautiful smile and hear those corny-ass jokes (and that occasional not-so-corny one that really makes me laugh all night). But what he's going through right now is something that I've never really had to deal with before. Since I'm not directly involved, I can't really effect change. That sucks, too, because If I could, I'd change it all around. He deserves no less.
Anyway, so how do y'all help people when you can't really make a direct change?
Monday, March 28, 2011
I'm BAAAAAACK!
***Ok, so I almost forgot how the words that come out of my mouth (or flow from my fingers) tend to piss people off sometimes. That is, until recently when I discovered that you've REALLY GOTTA KNOW WHO YOU ARE TO DEAL WITH ME. More often than not, all of this "pissed-offedness" stems from one of two sources: 1) you DON'T get what I'm talking about so you get pissed off because you think I'm talking about you or 2) you DO get it because you know I'm talking about you. Please be advised that once you enter a "pissed-off" state, you've only yourself to blame. I can't control your emotions but you most certainly can. What you've just read was the disclaimer to this blog post and any others to follow. You've been warned.***
The preceding was not a bad thing, per se. I'm just saying - very plainly - that at the age of 35, I have become the type of person who is severely and unapologetically sure of who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life...and with whom I'm going to do it (before y'all come at me with that bullshit - LOL).
Now, there are a lot of people who say stuff like that. I hear people say, "I know exactly who I am" all the time. But I've learned very recently that saying that you are secure in who you are and actually pursuing what you were destined to become are two completely different things.
I mean, how many people do you know that have a best-selling idea, book, invention, etc. in them but die (literally and/or figuratively) before they realize that not only does it take desire but determination and consistency for any part of it to come to fruition? Raise your hand if you went to college for something that you were intensely passionate about but now you're doing customer service or some ol' bullshit like that. Perhaps you are one of those people. Hell, I know I was.
Ok so that brings me to today and how I'm feeling at this very moment. People who know me (I mean REALLY know me - I can't count them on one hand) know of my one greatest desire and goal. They are aware of the one thing that will make me the happiest and most fulfilled in this world. They also know that after years and years (and years) of putting it off, convincing myself that I couldn't or shouldn't do it, and believing the hype, I finally have a chance to make it happen. It's going to happen...scratch that. It's happening now.
No, I'm not going to tell any of y'all who don't already know what it is what it is...yet. For know, just know in your hearts that I'm so freakin' awesome and unique already and in the very near future, I will be even more so.
But back to the meat of this blog.
Everyone has their lot in life. Everyone has that one thing that God requires of them to do. The one thing that makes you the most happy. The trick is not finding out what that is. I can guarantee you that you already know exactly what that is. The trick is to realize that if it's truly ordained by God, all of the tools you need will be provided for you. You need a specific degree to do it? A path will be provided for you to not only take classes but pay for them too. You need a particular certification? You'll meet someone who has it already and can tell you how to get it. You need inspiration (A.K.A a reason to do it)? You'll get that too.
Truth be told, most of us have been offered the path to whatever it is that we wanna do in life more than once but have thrown every excuse in the book at it in an attempt to avoid taking the risk. "Out of sight, out of mind" can sometimes equate to out of luck. As for me, I've been out of luck for way too long for my tastes. I've learned something: risks and sacrifice are so necessary if anything prominent is going to happen in my life. If I want to go back to school, I'm going to have to sacrifice some things that I think I "need" and risk being denied admission. Man, that shit is HARD.
Back around '06 or '07, I remember myself hanging around a bunch of people who I was admittedly fascinated by. It used to amaze me how a group of people could be so damaged but at the same time, appear to be so content with that. So, like I have been doing for as long as I can remember, I started hanging around them like a documentary producer would with those wild animals in the jungle. I'd marvel at the natural habitat of the Atlanta big boy whore and how akin they are to your average used car: cheap, easy to get, and unreliable. But, needless to say, I was a fan of the big boys. I still am. I always will be. My mistake, however was being the biggest fish in the pond. The way I saw it, I was far beyond the stagnant trash I hung out with. They didn't have any real goals (sans fucking). If they did, they damn sure weren't pursuing them (unless they were fucking). They were content with nothing. (and I mean NOTHING - no aspirations of ownership, no desire to leave a respectable legacy, no desires that weren't carnal, and no need to see past going to work every day). But I didn't want to take the risk of not having any friends to hang out with or having anything to do on the weekends by alienating these people. The sad part was that in my attempt to keep them around for observational purposes, I was slowly (yet certainly) becoming one of them. I went from being who I know myself to be to a bitter fag with no clear direction, excited to get the dick and ass, until I got it and got bored. I was interested in all the drama and knowing who did what to whom until "whom" was me. Then it stopped being fun.
The moral of that story was that if I had just taken a risk, sacrificed being popular (well, no so much "popular" as infamous), and asserted my independence from all of that drama then I'd probably be where I want to be by know. Don't most people have their version of that story? I've learned in the past few years that once you are the biggest fish in the pond, it's time for a new pond. You can't learn anything from small fish and I, for one, consider it an accomplishment when I run across some of the people I once knew and they tell me, "Man, I haven't seen you in forever.
So, now I'm positioning myself to swim with much larger fish than myself. I've got a lot to learn from people who know more than I do. That's my number one goal these days: to center myself among people who know more than me and sacrifice being the one person in the room who knows it all. It's a risk because I've never really felt comfortable being the slowest person in the room. Now I know that it's all a process and if I truly want what I want then I'm going to have to start slow and grow.
Yaaaay me!
The preceding was not a bad thing, per se. I'm just saying - very plainly - that at the age of 35, I have become the type of person who is severely and unapologetically sure of who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life...and with whom I'm going to do it (before y'all come at me with that bullshit - LOL).
Now, there are a lot of people who say stuff like that. I hear people say, "I know exactly who I am" all the time. But I've learned very recently that saying that you are secure in who you are and actually pursuing what you were destined to become are two completely different things.
I mean, how many people do you know that have a best-selling idea, book, invention, etc. in them but die (literally and/or figuratively) before they realize that not only does it take desire but determination and consistency for any part of it to come to fruition? Raise your hand if you went to college for something that you were intensely passionate about but now you're doing customer service or some ol' bullshit like that. Perhaps you are one of those people. Hell, I know I was.
Ok so that brings me to today and how I'm feeling at this very moment. People who know me (I mean REALLY know me - I can't count them on one hand) know of my one greatest desire and goal. They are aware of the one thing that will make me the happiest and most fulfilled in this world. They also know that after years and years (and years) of putting it off, convincing myself that I couldn't or shouldn't do it, and believing the hype, I finally have a chance to make it happen. It's going to happen...scratch that. It's happening now.
No, I'm not going to tell any of y'all who don't already know what it is what it is...yet. For know, just know in your hearts that I'm so freakin' awesome and unique already and in the very near future, I will be even more so.
But back to the meat of this blog.
Everyone has their lot in life. Everyone has that one thing that God requires of them to do. The one thing that makes you the most happy. The trick is not finding out what that is. I can guarantee you that you already know exactly what that is. The trick is to realize that if it's truly ordained by God, all of the tools you need will be provided for you. You need a specific degree to do it? A path will be provided for you to not only take classes but pay for them too. You need a particular certification? You'll meet someone who has it already and can tell you how to get it. You need inspiration (A.K.A a reason to do it)? You'll get that too.
Truth be told, most of us have been offered the path to whatever it is that we wanna do in life more than once but have thrown every excuse in the book at it in an attempt to avoid taking the risk. "Out of sight, out of mind" can sometimes equate to out of luck. As for me, I've been out of luck for way too long for my tastes. I've learned something: risks and sacrifice are so necessary if anything prominent is going to happen in my life. If I want to go back to school, I'm going to have to sacrifice some things that I think I "need" and risk being denied admission. Man, that shit is HARD.
Back around '06 or '07, I remember myself hanging around a bunch of people who I was admittedly fascinated by. It used to amaze me how a group of people could be so damaged but at the same time, appear to be so content with that. So, like I have been doing for as long as I can remember, I started hanging around them like a documentary producer would with those wild animals in the jungle. I'd marvel at the natural habitat of the Atlanta big boy whore and how akin they are to your average used car: cheap, easy to get, and unreliable. But, needless to say, I was a fan of the big boys. I still am. I always will be. My mistake, however was being the biggest fish in the pond. The way I saw it, I was far beyond the stagnant trash I hung out with. They didn't have any real goals (sans fucking). If they did, they damn sure weren't pursuing them (unless they were fucking). They were content with nothing. (and I mean NOTHING - no aspirations of ownership, no desire to leave a respectable legacy, no desires that weren't carnal, and no need to see past going to work every day). But I didn't want to take the risk of not having any friends to hang out with or having anything to do on the weekends by alienating these people. The sad part was that in my attempt to keep them around for observational purposes, I was slowly (yet certainly) becoming one of them. I went from being who I know myself to be to a bitter fag with no clear direction, excited to get the dick and ass, until I got it and got bored. I was interested in all the drama and knowing who did what to whom until "whom" was me. Then it stopped being fun.
The moral of that story was that if I had just taken a risk, sacrificed being popular (well, no so much "popular" as infamous), and asserted my independence from all of that drama then I'd probably be where I want to be by know. Don't most people have their version of that story? I've learned in the past few years that once you are the biggest fish in the pond, it's time for a new pond. You can't learn anything from small fish and I, for one, consider it an accomplishment when I run across some of the people I once knew and they tell me, "Man, I haven't seen you in forever.
So, now I'm positioning myself to swim with much larger fish than myself. I've got a lot to learn from people who know more than I do. That's my number one goal these days: to center myself among people who know more than me and sacrifice being the one person in the room who knows it all. It's a risk because I've never really felt comfortable being the slowest person in the room. Now I know that it's all a process and if I truly want what I want then I'm going to have to start slow and grow.
Yaaaay me!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Why I Call This Blog "Protein Powder"
Oh, and because I haven't blogged in soooo long (since the Yahoo! 360 days). I just figured I'd start it up again. I'm a new person with new experiences and new things to share.
Oh, and because protein powder helps you build muscle...but only if you do the work that goes along with it.
Let's hear it for the work that goes along with it...
Here goes nothing...
Cecil
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